3_mondayfeels

Why do I feel so empty on Mondays? Because the meds are not working like they should. Trying a week off the contramyl from tomorrow, interested to see if the tension goes away and how my emotions are going to be in the next few days.

I’ve been stuggling with self-regulation in the abscence of hunger and thirst I feel less human but my dependence on coping mechanisms also abated to some extent. The emotional deadening has made interacting hard and I don’t really trust my judgement right now all that much. It’s too easy to say things about myself that should hurt to say. I got some positive feedback about this little blog so that was nice.

It’s taken me so long to write this and it’s painful trying to extract a narrative from my brain when I feel like I’m just wasting my time but there’s some part of me that wakes up every day and that part wants to think more clearly and communicate more effectively. Maybe I was wrong about writing, the person you’re writing to first is yourself?