Empty

You ever feel so disconnected from your emotions that if you were given the choice to die right now you would. I don’t actively want to die but to be honest I don’t have any good reasons to live anymore. If people like me ran the world there would be little boxes you could go to and get bolted like cattle. I write this now knowing that I’m not connected to the part of me that will feel hurt by these things right now and I won’t always feel like this but it’s such a destructive state of being that I question my ability to sustain or seek meaningful relationships. I know there’s so much beauty and life happening in this world and I cannot reach because I’m a fake person. I don’t have a narrative for my life, I don’t have any plans, I’m existing 2 years into overtime, I was supposed to have killed myself at 30 when things weren’t going well then and they’ve just kind of slowly gotten worse over time.

So yeah hire me or whatever, I’m great at jobs and totally motivated to provide shareholder value.