Now What?

Now What?

Don’t look at me, you’re the one who decided we’re writing some stuff and we’re devoted to a practice. Had our housekeeper over today and despite it being on the same day for years and thinking about it and working through things - it still makes me feel an intense shame to be sat on my computer doing whatever that looks like just fucking around or fun while someone is cleaning.

If I was living alone I would have a service. I like the idea of it being a set time on a set day and a few people tear through it and it’s more disruptive but over quicker. When I initially moved out my parents housekeeper asked about us taking her on to clean at the house share. The other roommates didn’t really want to take ownership of managing it so they agreed and there were pretty much always issues, sometimes she would focus on cleaning my stuff, leaving my roommates to sort out the rest. She would spend the whole day at the house well past 17h00 which made things difficult and awkward while the kitchen was waiting to be used and she was still cleaning up. Not huge things but over time and across each of us we all weren’t happy with the service so when we moved again because a roommate was leaving I made sure to explain that given the increased costs we would be unable to continue we would have to retrench her, I made sure to pay her and end things above board. I think I wanted to do my own chores and try make it work and my roommate wanted a new housekeeper. The chaos of a messy/dirty house is bad for my functioning but I like the feedback I get from being personally responsible for these kinds of personal chores. I know it’s a waste of time but I need to get the small boost from knowing I can look after myself and clean and look after my things even at my worst and having someone there to clean around you robs you of a certain level of control over your environment.

It’s tough for me to deal with my things being moved around, the excess noise from the dogs freaking out at the maid and the maid shooing the dogs, the uncertainty of when someone will come into my space and start cleaning around me, leaving me to awkwardly sit there and wait till it’s done or just leave and come back later. I guess I don’t have an issue with having my space cleaned. I have issues with this kind of psuedo indentured servitude relationship my parents are completely okay involving themselves in so they have more time to sit alone on their phones by themselves. Which is rich coming from a person whose been at PC for the lions share of the 16 hours it’s been on in the past 24 hours.